Straight To His Heart Read online

  Oh, God. The air evaporated from his lungs. He’d fallen for her. The second he’d seen her in the hospital he was done for. Try as he might, he couldn’t imagine a day without seeing her, without talking to her. Without holding her. He loved her. But had the realization come too late? Was he out of time? “Just give me this evening,” he urged. “I promise it’ll be worth it.”

  “I have no doubt it would be perfect,” she said. “But it’s just postponing the inevitable.”

  “Then consider me a glutton for punishment.” He stepped toward her, caught her face in his hands. “What’s making you run, Sabrina? Why won’t you even consider that you could be happy here?”

  The question had been poised behind his lips for days. What was he missing? What should be see that he wasn’t? And why wouldn’t she confide in him? Even now, he saw her drop that invisible curtain around herself.

  She wasn’t going to answer him. Which left him only one option.

  He kissed her.

  Never in his life had he taken such care, paid such close attention, absorbed every feeling and sensation as when he kissed Sabrina. He needed to memorize every moment. In case it needed to last him a life time.

  He lifted his mouth, waited to see the dazed expression glaze her eyes before he whispered her name.

  “You don’t play fair,” she murmured. “Fine. One sunset.” She backed away, her fingers brushing against her swollen lips. “I’ll see you at Beatha.”

  He waited until she was back in the guest house before he picked up the discarded glass and headed inside. He found his mother attempting to maneuver around the kitchen with her newly acquired crutches.

  “I’m fixing dinner this evening,” Eileen announced as if she expected him to argue with her. “Nothing fancy, but I need to get back in the swing of things.”

  Flynn stood where he was, braced against the back door, his heart thudding so hard against his chest he couldn’t breathe.

  “Good Lord, what’s wrong?” She hobbled over, eyes wide with concern. “You’re as pale as a bleached sheet. I thought you were okay with all this Trevor nonsense. You’re brothers. You’ll work it out.”

  “It’s not about Trevor.” He could worry about repairing his relationship with his brother later. “Sabrina’s leaving.” Just saying the words hurt his heart.

  “What do you mean leaving?” Eileen’s gaze narrowed. “What did you say to that girl?”

  “Nothing. Nothing to make her leave.” At least he didn’t think he did. “She can’t leave, Mom. She has to stay.”

  “Of course she does. I know that.” She inched closer, peered into his eyes. “Why do you know it? Is something going on with the two of you?”

  “With one of us at least.” He knocked his fist against his chest. “Couldn’t have happened at a worse time.” There was so much to think about, so much to consider and yet…nothing else felt like it mattered.

  “What couldn’t have happened at a worse time?” Brady asked as he came into the kitchen, Caley and Wyatt trailing behind.

  Flynn looked at his family, his parents, his niece and nephew, thought of his siblings and how important they were. He liked playing board games and reading bed time stories. He liked how Wyatt had come to him when he’d had a nightmare and somehow snuggled onto the air mattress with him. He’d missed so much the last few years. He missed them. He’d been so determined to get away he hadn’t realized how much he was leaving behind.

  If he’d come back a few weeks or months earlier, arrived a few weeks later, he never would have met Sabrina. He would have continued on with his life—his empty life he now realized—for who knew how long.

  His mother’s speculative expression turned knowing. The smile that crept onto her lips had his own mouth twitching. His mother could still read his mind.

  “Flynn’s gone and fallen in love,” Eileen said.

  “He has?” Brady picked up an apple, polished it, and bit in. “With who?”

  “Sabrina,” Flynn answered. “But she’s leaving. Or she thinks she is. I’m taking her out tonight. No idea where, but it has to be special. I have to convince her she’s making a mistake.”

  “Sabrina’s leaving?” Brady echoed.

  “Yes, dear.” Eileen spun elegantly on her crutches and ushered her grandchildren into the hall. “Brady, go get the car. I’ll fill you in on the drive. Flynn’s right. If we’re going to convince Sabrina she’s found a home here in St. Helena, we’re going to need reinforcements. And I know just the person to call.”

  Chapter Seven

  Keys in hand, Sabrina stepped out of St. Helena Hospital and headed for her minivan. She’d broken her own rule about taking as many dolls with her and dropped off the last of those in her possession. Each had its own unique characteristic the nurses could match to a patient. She’d also included the small collection of stuffed animals she’d cleaned, re-stuffed, and repaired. For the first time, she hadn’t left her cell number for special orders.

  She needed to make a clean break with St. Helena. She couldn’t take anything with her that would remind her of just how much she loved this town and the people in it.

  Her throat tightened at the memory of Flynn’s quiet laughter, of the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled at her. The way his determined hands felt feather light against her skin.

  Seeing him in his parents’ back yard, watching him process his guilt and regret over any pain he might have caused his brother had called to her on a primal level. She couldn’t explain it; she wouldn’t try to, but he was hurting. Whatever the man’s flaws, she loved him. She didn’t like to see him suffering.

  Uttering the words out loud, even to herself, would be tantamount to planting herself in this town and letting roots take hold; roots that would never be strong enough for a full, long life.

  But she’d know. She’d carry those feelings with her for the rest of her life.

  And that would have to be enough.

  Wherever she headed, she’d stop at antique and thrift stores along the way to stock up on toys for when she found a place to stay. She’d start over. From scratch. And try not to dwell on the fact that she’d left her heart behind.

  A heart that pounded in her chest more heavily than she liked. Nausea swept over her, drove her to the cement bench at the edge of the parking lot. She sat, concentrated on taking slow, deep breaths as her clammy skin warmed beneath the late afternoon sun.

  She leaned forward, rested her head in her hands as her head spun. Instead of lunch, she’d had another shake. Clearly her stomach and system was demanding more sustenance. Her legs felt heavy, but she attributed that to the fact she hadn’t slept much. She’d promised ChiChi to finish those dolls for the auction and she wasn’t about to leave town on a broken promise. It had meant late nights and early mornings. When she did sleep, she did so fitfully, unable to get comfortable or stop the wheels in her head from spinning.

  She’d fix that tonight and go to bed early. Maybe sleep past Clooney’s call in the morning. Get herself back on track before she headed out of town.

  By the time she climbed behind the wheel, she felt better. Drinking half the bottle of water she’d brought helped, too. She drove downtown and pulled into the parking lot behind Beatha. Hopefully she could beg off early, shortly after sunset. Flynn would understand. How long would it take for him to realize there wasn’t anything that could be said or done to change her mind?

  She had to leave. If only to protect him from an uncertain future. Walking away from him now would be so much easier than breaking his heart later.

  She pushed open the door and slid out.

  “Perfect timing as always.” Flynn rounded the corner and stopped at the back of her vehicle. “You ready?” He held out his hand and jingled his keys in the other.

  Sabrina’s heart tipped in her chest. Damn. She shouldn’t have agreed to see him again.

  “That depends,” Sabrina said, a little disappointed they weren’t eating at the restaurant. She’d been hopin
g for a last meal there. “Ready for what?”

  “A surprise.”

  “I thought you didn’t like surprises.” Sabrina couldn’t decide whether to be excited or cautious.

  “I thought I didn’t like a lot of things.” He kissed the back of her knuckles. “Thank you for coming.”

  Stunned into silence, she let him lead her to his car. There was something different about him, something lighter, as if whatever had been weighing him down when he’d first arrived in St. Helena had lifted. Maybe he’d just taken her advice and loosened up. Maybe it was the casual way he wore the jeans and t-shirt, or that his hair was just a bit too long, the dark sunglasses giving him that slight bad-boy edge she’d bet he didn’t have a clue he possessed.

  A few minutes later they were headed out of town. They made small talk, as if both of them were happy to avoid speaking about her leaving. As always, she found herself laughing and smiling, and falling even deeper into the orbit that was Flynn Lafferty.

  When he turned onto a narrow dirt road, she grabbed the bar above her head and held on as he traversed the bumpy road. He pulled to a stop and turned off the engine.

  “Where are we?” She peered out the back window, out the driver’s window, but all she saw was endless green and wilderness. Beautiful to be sure. Isolated. Silent.

  Perfect.

  “One of St. Helena’s best kept secrets I’m told. Come on. We have a bit of a walk. Leave your purse and phone.” He pulled his own out and put his cell and glasses in the glove box.

  She stared. “A week ago I would have thought that was a sign of the apocalypse.”

  “Ha ha.” He surprised her by kissing her quick on the mouth. “I’ve decided to take your advice. Time to make some changes. But first, your surprise.”

  He went to the back of the car as she climbed out. When he joined her he had an oversized paper bag that she recognized as Beatha take-out, and a heavy quilt draped over his arm.

  “A picnic?” Now that did surprise her. She tried to reconcile the man she’d met at the hospital with the one standing in front of her now.

  “Not just any picnic. My mother packed this just for you.” He wrapped his arm around her waist.

  She couldn’t resist. She snuggled against him, slipped her arm around him and let herself enjoy the moment. If she was going to have to live on memories, then she’d need more of them.

  The walk through the woods made all her senses tingle. The silence was punctuated by the occasional bird squawking and rustling leaves. She could smell the earth and flowers, felt the brush of brittle thigh high weeds and grass as they neared a clearing. And then, with one glance over the valley in front of her, she understood.

  To the east sat the endless vines of one of the town’s most famous wineries that merged into the lush flora beyond its borders. Paradise existed; she could see it, like an immersive postcard that enveloped her, welcomed her.

  She dragged her gaze across the view, taking in every inch of detail, inhaling slow, measured breaths as if recording the sight. Then she saw it.

  Hanging from an enormous oak tree that had been planted decades before either she or Flynn had been born, hung a weathered swing.

  Tears pricked the back of her eyes. “You really are something, you know that, Flynn Lafferty? Sneaky to the end.”

  “You mean because when my mother told you about this, I thought of the picture of you and your sister as little girls?” His chest puffed out with exaggerated pride. “I thought it might be the perfect location to convince you that leaving St. Helena is the worst possible idea anyone has ever had.”

  The thin veil of peace she’d been clinging to vanished. She pulled her arm away, tried to step aside, but he hung on, stepped in front of her, and kissed her.

  “Don’t make this more difficult than it has to be, Flynn,” she whispered a moment later. “Please.”

  “How about I push you in the swing before we eat?” He said as if she hadn’t spoken. He left her long enough to arrange the blanket, set the bag on the corner, and led her to the rope suspended wooden slat. “Apparently my parents found this place on ChiChi’s recommendation the first weekend they visited. They met her at a wine tasting. Did you know opening the restaurant was partly her idea? Sounds like she might have given them that last push. Anyway, I’m glad she did.”

  “ChiChi’s one of a kind.” She still had to figure out a way to say goodbye to her friend without letting the older woman steamroll over Sabrina’s decision to leave.

  Sabrina grabbed hold of the thick ropes and lowered herself onto the seat. Before she could push off, Flynn pulled her back far enough her feet dangled.

  “Not too high!” She couldn’t help but laugh as she looked over her shoulder and saw him straining to pull her back further.

  Her breath stopped as he looked at her; at the pure joy shining in his green eyes, at the wide smile on his face. She’d never seen a more beautiful sight.

  “Time to soar.” He released her.

  The wind blew against her face as she arced toward the sun. Branches dotted her vision as she flew back, her legs bending in familiar rhythm. He planted his hands on her butt and pushed her again, harder this time and she leaned back, closed her eyes, felt the warmth of the waning afternoon against her skin.

  Time evaporated. Nothing mattered. Not her fears; not her worries. Not her determination to keep her heart protected against this man who looked happier than she’d ever seen him simply by bringing her into a meadow to fly on a swing. Not the idea that any day, at any time, her heart could literally stop beating.

  Everything about this moment, everything about this man, was perfect. She didn’t want it to end. She didn’t want to say goodbye.

  But she didn’t have a choice.

  Eventually she had to come back to earth. On her terms.

  Which is what it was time to do.

  She motioned him to move away so she could come to a gradual stop. Like sand falling into the bottom of an hourglass, her time with him had to come to an end. But that didn’t prevent him from leading her to the blanket where they ate her favorite pasta, shared her favorite dessert, and watched, as the sun dipped lower into the valley and painted the sky.

  While she sipped on a bottle of water, Flynn reached into the paper bag.

  “Not more,” she groaned. “I can’t eat another bite.” Her appetite hadn’t been the greatest lately, but she’d managed a good portion of the meal Trevor had cooked for them.

  “It’s not food. But it is for you.” He handed her a burgundy leather journal.

  “What is it?” She set her bottle down, took the book and cracked open the cover. She looked down at the picture of Beatha on the first page.

  “Your future,” Flynn said. “It’s yours for the asking. Just like you and your grandfather always wanted.”

  She looked closer and then she saw it. The narrow storefront next door to Beatha. He’d taken a white marker and on the window, etched in the words Anam Cara.

  Soul Friend.

  “I don’t understand.” Except she did. This time, the tears that burned her eyes had nothing to do with happiness. How could he do this to her? How could he give her so much…hope?

  “You said your grandfather always dreamed of having his own store,” Flynn explained. “You have so much talent, so much to give the world with these dolls you re-create. You’re needed, Sabrina. When I told Mom and Dad about the store idea they were immediately on board. Trevor, too. They want you to stay, Sabrina. They want to help you achieve your dream.”

  “You shouldn’t have done this.” She swallowed, two, three times, before she could say more. “It was his dream, not mine.” The lie tasted bitter on her tongue. “I’m not made to stay anywhere. I can’t stay.”

  Her heart beat double time in her chest. Her ribs ached. Maybe from trying not to cry. Maybe from trying not to scream.

  She didn’t want to know what was possible. Because nothing she wanted was possible. Not for her. Not ever. �
�I can’t accept this.” She shoved the book at him, shook her head as she dipped her chin. “I knew I shouldn’t have come. We shouldn’t have done this. I don’t want to hurt you, Flynn, but you’re not giving me another choice.”

  “Everyone has choices in life, Sabrina.” She didn’t miss the flash of pain cross his face and it sliced through her. “You’ve taught me that. Nothing is set in stone. Nothing.”

  “You have to let me go, Flynn. Please.” His words trapped her, suffocated her. Terrified her.

  “I don’t have to do anything anymore.” He reached for her, but she scooted away. “I know you’re scared, I know this is all new—”

  “You don’t know anything about me.” And she needed to keep it that way. “Why can’t you just let things be? Why can’t you let anyone do what they need to even if you think it’s wrong?” She shoved herself to her knees and scooped up their plates and trash to dump in the bag. “What gives you the right to try to dictate what I do with my life? It’s my life, Flynn. Mine. I get to live it the way I need to.”

  “And if I see you throwing away a chance to be happy?”

  “Like you’re happy back in New York with your business? You hate that job, Flynn. It’s written all over you. It stresses you out. As anxious as you were about that phone call, there was a part of you hoping it wouldn’t come. And when it did, it didn’t change anything inside of you, did it? I’ve watched you emerge from a cocoon since you got here. You’re a different person. If anyone belongs here with your family, it’s you.”

  “I agree.”

  His statement sounded so quiet she wasn’t sure she heard him correctly. “You what?”

  “I said I agree. I admit I wasn’t thrilled about having to come out here. But not for the reason I thought. None of us are who we were when I moved to New York. Not my parents, not my brothers or sister, and not me. And I know that because I want to stay. Not to run their business or help, although I’m happy to do both. I miss them. I need them.”